Aaron is 12-year-old . He does not play sports.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Amber the (17 and a half year-old) Jehovah's Witness
Blanche's niece Amber wants to clear up some misconceptions about the Jehovah's Witnesses.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Interviewed on The Rude Awakening Show with Bulldog and the Dude.
If you're in a rush to hear me, fast forward to 8:20 (that's like 4:20, but twice as high). If not, listen to the beginning because there's a man who makes things out trash!
Check it out: Podcast time!
Check it out: Podcast time!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Mural at a Jehovah's Witness Assembly Hall in Florida
I grew up being told that this stuff was real.
Someone actually took me aside as a three-year-old child and began to fill my head with stories that one day people would hug gigantic mythical lions while women sell flautas and children dig crop circles under a giant giraffe. For real.
Perhaps this is why I can only orgasm when I am dressed as a lion wearing a lei.
Someone actually took me aside as a three-year-old child and began to fill my head with stories that one day people would hug gigantic mythical lions while women sell flautas and children dig crop circles under a giant giraffe. For real.
Perhaps this is why I can only orgasm when I am dressed as a lion wearing a lei.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Keep on Smurf Attackin!
Thank you for continuing to send your wonderfully creepy stories for the Book Giveaway Contest. Keep 'em coming. It's going to be hard to choose!
Damn, you people had some screwed up lives! What is wrong with you all?
Damn, you people had some screwed up lives! What is wrong with you all?
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Updated with very old things
The "stuff" page has been updated with ancient writing from the long-defunct Jest Magazine along with some reviews of movies you weren't going to see two years ago, and definitely won't see today or in the future.
And it only took me six months to put them there. I call that tenacity!
Possibly interesting fact if you lived in New York six years ago or are an NYU student looking for some "authenticity": Back before The Luna Lounge was turned into a vintage Japanese shoelace store when the South Street Seaport bought Ludlow Street, the dramatic Christian playlet from my Jest essay Eat This Candy, Go Straight To Hell was performed live at Eating It with help from the immensely talented Andres Dubouchet, Chris Regan and Amanda Melson.
Ah, those were the days!
At least, it was one day. Or part of a day. I think we had eight minutes, actually.
And it only took me six months to put them there. I call that tenacity!
Possibly interesting fact if you lived in New York six years ago or are an NYU student looking for some "authenticity": Back before The Luna Lounge was turned into a vintage Japanese shoelace store when the South Street Seaport bought Ludlow Street, the dramatic Christian playlet from my Jest essay Eat This Candy, Go Straight To Hell was performed live at Eating It with help from the immensely talented Andres Dubouchet, Chris Regan and Amanda Melson.
Ah, those were the days!
At least, it was one day. Or part of a day. I think we had eight minutes, actually.
Can you stand to share?
An interesting discussion about my book on, yes, "a blog covering the world of polygamy".
Did somebody say polygamy? Where my hos at?
Did somebody say polygamy? Where my hos at?
Surf Rock Thursday
I found this exceedingly enjoyable, although obviously a tool of Satan:
The Ghastly Ones, Haulin' Hearse
The Ghastly Ones, Haulin' Hearse
Religion pick and Tucson Citizen
I'M PERFECT is the April 7th pick on Jim Agnew's Literary World.
And, the Tuscon Citizen had very nice things to say yesterday, as I am a recommended new release:
Abrahams was raised a Jehovah's Witness in Pawtucket, R.I., where she was smug in the belief that as long as she refrained from doing such things as singing the national anthem or drawing a turkey from the outline of her hand, she was safe and would be one of the few not left behind at Armageddon. When she finds herself married at 18 to a man she doesn't love, with adultery her only escape, she decides to run, losing her religion, and her future, in one breath. This remarkable book, written with unexpected wit and deep compassion, is truly a unique coming-of-age story that is certain to be every bit as haunting as a Ouija board.
And, the Tuscon Citizen had very nice things to say yesterday, as I am a recommended new release:
Abrahams was raised a Jehovah's Witness in Pawtucket, R.I., where she was smug in the belief that as long as she refrained from doing such things as singing the national anthem or drawing a turkey from the outline of her hand, she was safe and would be one of the few not left behind at Armageddon. When she finds herself married at 18 to a man she doesn't love, with adultery her only escape, she decides to run, losing her religion, and her future, in one breath. This remarkable book, written with unexpected wit and deep compassion, is truly a unique coming-of-age story that is certain to be every bit as haunting as a Ouija board.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
On Galleycat with Kevin Roose today
I had the pleasure of drinking iced tea and chatting with Ron Hogan and Kevin Roose at the Housingworks Bookstore recently.
It has been immortalized, along with the fact that I clearly didn't go to the gym all winter, over here:
An Unlikely Disciple Meets an Ex-Jehovah's Witness.
"But I don't hate the Jehovah's Witnesses in any way," Abrahams emphasized. "I came to an acceptance that for some people, that's the right thing in their lives, and though I used to be really anti-religious, you can't be critical without offering something else."
Forget this religion nonsense, for the love of God, I look like I should be on a commercial for low-carb breakfast treats wearing a pistachio muffin around my waist.
Let's talk about what's truly important here.
It has been immortalized, along with the fact that I clearly didn't go to the gym all winter, over here:
An Unlikely Disciple Meets an Ex-Jehovah's Witness.
"But I don't hate the Jehovah's Witnesses in any way," Abrahams emphasized. "I came to an acceptance that for some people, that's the right thing in their lives, and though I used to be really anti-religious, you can't be critical without offering something else."
Forget this religion nonsense, for the love of God, I look like I should be on a commercial for low-carb breakfast treats wearing a pistachio muffin around my waist.
Let's talk about what's truly important here.
What's new?
Updating the Press and Praise page.
Check back later for some links and stories on the "Stuff" Page, and some photos from the New York B&N Book Signing!
(Note that I said "new", not "fascinating".)
Check back later for some links and stories on the "Stuff" Page, and some photos from the New York B&N Book Signing!
(Note that I said "new", not "fascinating".)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Book giveaway contest!
I will be giving away five signed copies of my book in exchange for your creepy stories!
Recently, a few non-Jehovah's Witnesses have noted that things in my book seem "too strange" to be true.
I have no idea what those things are, but I guess it has something to do with the chapter in which I cure polio on the moon. Whatev! People are SO jaded!
However, that inspired the following contest:
Let me know your most bizarre and unbelievable experience with the Jehovah's Witnesses (you don't have to have been one, they could have just accosted you at a bus stop) and I will choose five of your amazing tales to be posted on my website (with your permission, of course).
In exchange, you will win a signed copy of my book, delivered direct to your doorstep via the moon (polio free)!
You can post your experiences in the comments section here, or on my Facebook group, or you can email them directly to kyriaabrahams at thatgmailthingy with the subject Smurf Attack!
Good Christian fortunateness to all and may Jehovah's Holy Spirit be with you!
Recently, a few non-Jehovah's Witnesses have noted that things in my book seem "too strange" to be true.
I have no idea what those things are, but I guess it has something to do with the chapter in which I cure polio on the moon. Whatev! People are SO jaded!
However, that inspired the following contest:
Let me know your most bizarre and unbelievable experience with the Jehovah's Witnesses (you don't have to have been one, they could have just accosted you at a bus stop) and I will choose five of your amazing tales to be posted on my website (with your permission, of course).
In exchange, you will win a signed copy of my book, delivered direct to your doorstep via the moon (polio free)!
You can post your experiences in the comments section here, or on my Facebook group, or you can email them directly to kyriaabrahams at thatgmailthingy with the subject Smurf Attack!
Good Christian fortunateness to all and may Jehovah's Holy Spirit be with you!
Science Fact Corner: Didja know?
Hey scienceketeers! Didja know that helium weighs more than gold? And baby sharks lose their fins on their first birthday, then swim 10,000 miles to find new parents in the desert. And firetrucks mate for LIFE!
It's true AND it's science!
And didja also know that you can read an excerpt of my book online at the Simon and Schuster website?
It's true AND it's science!
Read the first chapter of I'M PERFECT, YOU'RE DOOMED right here!
SCIENCE!
It's true AND it's science!
And didja also know that you can read an excerpt of my book online at the Simon and Schuster website?
It's true AND it's science!
Read the first chapter of I'M PERFECT, YOU'RE DOOMED right here!
SCIENCE!
Reviewed in the Providence Journal
I was interviewed in the Providence Journal today. How fancypants is that? Real live fancypants, if you ask me.
Playful approach lightens account of growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness
Read the full article
By Bryan Rourke
Journal Staff Writer
Kyria Abrahams, author of I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed, says her Jehovah’s Witness religious instruction involved “more people directing me than a NASA shuttle launch.”
The new memoir, published by Touchstone, a division of Simon & Schuster, looks back at the author’s life growing up in Pawtucket, which gets a bit of razzing. But the bulk of the book is about being a Jehovah’s Witness.
“People don’t know anything about it,” said Abrahams in an interview. “And what they know is wrong: ‘So, you can’t drink tea, right?’ No, that’s Mormon. People didn’t have information.”
Read more...
Playful approach lightens account of growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness
Read the full article
By Bryan Rourke
Journal Staff Writer
Kyria Abrahams, author of I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed, says her Jehovah’s Witness religious instruction involved “more people directing me than a NASA shuttle launch.”
The new memoir, published by Touchstone, a division of Simon & Schuster, looks back at the author’s life growing up in Pawtucket, which gets a bit of razzing. But the bulk of the book is about being a Jehovah’s Witness.
“People don’t know anything about it,” said Abrahams in an interview. “And what they know is wrong: ‘So, you can’t drink tea, right?’ No, that’s Mormon. People didn’t have information.”
Read more...
Monday, April 6, 2009
True Love Waits
I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
And wash your swollen feet
Just don't leave
Don't leave
I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kitten smile
Just don't leave
Don't leave
And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps
Just don't leave
Don't leave
Just don't leave
Don't leave
Dead-on parody of a Jehovah's Witness sermon
Thanks to Nathan Stanley for his brilliant parody of the creepiness that shaped our childhoods:
The right music and the right lights, indeed!
The right music and the right lights, indeed!
April 16: In The Flesh
I will be reading at Virgin Night on April 16.
(Hey now! No comments from the peanut gallery, please!)
Books will be available for sale and signing. Come on down, New York!
IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
VIRGIN NIGHT
April 16th at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
In The Flesh is proud to present its second annual Virgin Night, featuring new authors and first-time readers. Texan Jenny Block reads from Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, Smart Bitches, Trashy Books blogger and co-author of Beyond Heaving Bosoms Sarah Wendell shares the sexy side of romance, memoirist (I'm Perfect, You're Doomed) and ex-Jehovah's Witness Kyria Abrahams talks about losing her virginity, Jehovah's Witness style, while Nerve.com Scanner blogger Emily Farris delivers a sex story and erotic romance novelist (Stranger, Dirty) Megan Hart reads her steamy prose, along with Gideon Levy of Kinky Jews and Sugarbutch Chronicles blogger Sinclair Sexsmith, and first-time reader Nicolette Dixon. Books will be available for sale by Mobile Libris.
Hosted and curated by Rachel Kramer Bussel (The Mile High Club, Do Not Disturb, Spanked). Free candy and cupcakes will be served.
(Hey now! No comments from the peanut gallery, please!)
Books will be available for sale and signing. Come on down, New York!
IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
VIRGIN NIGHT
April 16th at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
In The Flesh is proud to present its second annual Virgin Night, featuring new authors and first-time readers. Texan Jenny Block reads from Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, Smart Bitches, Trashy Books blogger and co-author of Beyond Heaving Bosoms Sarah Wendell shares the sexy side of romance, memoirist (I'm Perfect, You're Doomed) and ex-Jehovah's Witness Kyria Abrahams talks about losing her virginity, Jehovah's Witness style, while Nerve.com Scanner blogger Emily Farris delivers a sex story and erotic romance novelist (Stranger, Dirty) Megan Hart reads her steamy prose, along with Gideon Levy of Kinky Jews and Sugarbutch Chronicles blogger Sinclair Sexsmith, and first-time reader Nicolette Dixon. Books will be available for sale by Mobile Libris.
Hosted and curated by Rachel Kramer Bussel (The Mile High Club, Do Not Disturb, Spanked). Free candy and cupcakes will be served.
Save The Date: May 8
Heads up! On May 8, I will be reading and signing at Seaburn Books in Astoria.
Details to follow, but I hope to see you there!
Details to follow, but I hope to see you there!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
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